For Good

The past few weeks have been an unusual time as we as a family have spent time with my dear husband Stuart who is now on hospice care. He has not been out of his hospital bed for over a week. He continues to decline. We are so grateful for hospice and the gift of having him at home to spend as much time with him as possible. While he has many moments of confusion and disorientation, we also enjoy many wonderful times of conversation, remembering, reading, and prayer.

And we are so grateful for family and friends who are supporting us in so many ways. While the Advent time of waiting has been fulfilled by the coming of Christmas, we as a family are still in that time of waiting for God to do what only God can do. We wait with hope and peace because of Jesus coming as a baby, the assurance he will come again in glory, and look for the ways he is coming to us moment by moment and day by day through the presence and power of his Spirit, health care professionals, and so many prayers and acts of love and care coming from so many people. We are deeply grateful.

While most of my time has been at home, I was especially thankful for the opportunity I had to use tickets to the Kennedy Center to see Wicked on Friday, December 23. Stuart and I had bought these tickets in late September when he was doing well, never imagining he could decline so quickly. While he was unable to go, Ian was interested and willing to go with me and another friend. However, I wasn’t sure I could leave Stuart given his increased need for care. But several dear friends insisted I go and were willing to step in to be with him and to care for him in whatever way was needed.

I had intended to become more familiar with the musical and actually listen to the soundtrack before going to see it. However, that didn’t happen given the turn life has taken in the last few months, and December in particular.

So I was both surprised and delighted by this wonderful story. As some already know, I experience God speaking to me through stories. Good stories are always a reflection of the story of God’s redemption. Wicked is such a story of transformation, and it came to me at just the right time in my life. I was moved to tears by the last song “For Good.” I recommend you listen to the original soundtrack, or watch original cast members Kristin Chenoweth and Idina Menzel singing the entire song and/or read all the lyrics because they are so powerful. I share them here because they express my feeling for Stuart, my best friend and dear husband, better than anything that I could write myself:

(Glinda) I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them and we help them in return. Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true, but I know I’m who I am today because I knew you. Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun. Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? Because I knew you
I have been changed for good.

(Elphaba) It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part. So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart and now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend. Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea. Like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood. Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But because I knew you (Glinda) Because I knew you (Both) I have been changed for good.

(Elphaba) And just to clear the air I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done, you blame me for.
(Glinda) But then, I guess we know there’s blame to share. (Both) And none of it seems to matter anymore….

(Both) Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? I do believe I have been changed for the better. (Glinda) And because I knew you (Elphaba) Because I knew you (Both) Because I knew you I have been changed for good.”

When I got home from the musical, I played this song for Stuart, and we wept together because it so beautifully summed up so much of what we have been feeling and saying to each other the past week together. I marvel at God’s providence in bringing just the right story and song to me at just the right time. Our God is so faithful and good.

But I share all this not only to honor my beloved husband and best friend, but also because it is fitting to say to you, the people of God at Vienna Presbyterian Church, as I conclude my ministry with you. This is my last blog as your pastor, and these lyrics also express my feeling for what it has meant to live, love, and minister among you for almost 16 years.

I’m thankful for the cards and notes and expressions of gratitude and appreciation for lives changed. But as I said at the recent celebration, the one who changed most was me. By the love, grace, and power of the great Triune God, I have been changed for good because of you and the joy and privilege of being your pastor and friend. The Spirit of God is the one who changes us, but he uses people as a means of grace to bring about transformation. I rejoice in all that our great Triune God has done by his, love, grace, and power to change me for good and to use me to be a part of the transformation of others for good.  Though we close a chapter in our shared story together, God’s story of redemption and transformation continues.

I had planned to continue writing a blog on a personal website, but that will have to wait. My time, attention, and focus need to be on my family and what God is doing in this moment, this season of our lives. There will be time for writing later.

As my family steps into a new year with so much uncertainty ahead, I know God is with us and will lead and help us. I want to close with two Celtic prayers that mean so much to me, and I hope you will find them meaningful too as you go into a new year, a new season of your life and ministry at VPC.

MORNING PRAYER (A Wee Worship Book, Wild Goose Resource Book) 

OPENING RESPONSES:

Way beyond all journeying, truth behind all mystery, life within all living;

WE PRAISE YOU.

Salve for every soreness, mender of every brokenness, midwife of a better future:

WE PRAISE YOU.

Ground of all being, judge of all nations, conscience of the universe,

WE PRAISE YOU.

Maker, redeemer, confessor, companion, befriender, inspirer, God beyond all names,

WE PRAISE YOU!

PRAYER

Because God is good, and has intended us to share that goodness, we open ourselves to nothing less than transformation as together we say:

HOLY GOD, HOLY AND IMMORTAL, HAVE MERCY ON US.

You are the Word behind all words, the calm at the core of the storm, the energy that sustains creation. You are present in the pain behind the tears, the laughter in the eyes, the yearning in the heart. All these you share, yet your gift to us is much more.

SO OPEN US UP, LORD, WE WHOSE LIVES ARE LOCKED, WHOSE THOUGHTS ARE WELL REHEARSED, WHOSE PRAYER IS PREDICTABLE. OPEN US UP TO DEPTHS WE HAVE NOT EXPLORED, TRUTHS WE HAVE AVOIDED, PATHS WE HAVE NOT FOLLOWED, BEAUTY WE HAVE YET TO ADMIRE. OPEN US UP TO JESUS IN WHOM ALL THINGS ARE HELD TOGETHER FOR GOD AND OUR GOOD. AMEN

CLOSING RESPONSES: 

From where we are to where you need us,

JESUS, NOW LEAD ON.

From the familiarity of what we know to the wonder of what you will reveal,

JESUS, NOW LEAD ON.

To transform the fabric of this world until it resembles the shape of your kingdom,

JESUS NOW LEAD ON.

Because good things have been prepared for those who love God,

JESUS NOW LEAD ON.