Anamchara Part 2: Spiritual Direction

10-5-22 Anamchara Part 2: Spiritual Direction

In my last post, I shared about the Celtic word anamchara, which means “soul friend.” In the Celtic tradition, it was understood that we not only need relationships of mutuality in our lives, we also need people who are older, wiser, and further along in the journey of faith to help us grow in following Christ.

Aiden was a monk sent by his community at Iona in Scotland to Northumbria (northern England) to help King Oswald evangelize his people. He served as a spiritual leader for many kings and other people. One person of note whom he mentored is Hilda. She had had been raised in the King’s court as a child, but at age 33 she became a nun.

At one point, she decided to leave England to take a permanent pilgrimage to France. Aiden recognized her remarkable gifts and leadership potential and said, “We can’t lose Hilda.” He knew she was too important a woman who had such a heart for the Lord. The kingdom of Northumbria needed Hilda. He gave her work appointing her to various ministry opportunities in multiple locations.

Eventually she became the founding abbess of Whitby Abbey, a double monastery where men and women lived separately but worshipped together. Hilda was known not only for both her leadership and administrative gifts but also for her wisdom, discernment, and peacemaking ability. Kings and other Christian leaders would seek her out to receive spiritual direction and guidance for their lives and leadership.

I have benefitted from the ministry of many people over the course of my life. As a college student, I had the blessing of being discipled by two women who were on staff with a campus ministry. As older, more experienced people, they encouraged and equipped me in my apprenticeship to Jesus. They walked alongside and helped me grow in the knowledge and love of God and what it means to follow and serve our Lord. They trained me so that I too could lead others in the same way. After college, I followed in their footsteps discipling students for almost eight years in campus ministry.

After serving as a missionary in Moscow, Russia, for a year, I went to seminary and then became a pastor. I continued to teach and lead others and to cultivate spiritual friendships, but I began to long for more. I still needed someone who could attend to my soul, help me pay attention to what was happening in my life and to continue growing in faith and becoming more like Christ.

I love the saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” I have found that to be true in my life repeatedly. I thank God for the many soul friends, teachers, and mentors who have helped me grow in faith, but one stands out. I will never forget the day I first met my anamchara, my spiritual director, Adele Calhoun.

I “happened” to go to a conference at a larger church in the Chicago area. There was a breakout session on spiritual disciplines being offered. As I listened to Adele talk about the spiritual life, I realized I was hearing something very different from my experience thus far—something deeper, something more than I had experienced. I wanted, longed for what she described. I approached Adele after the seminar to introduce myself and to ask if I could take her to lunch to talk more about what she had to say.

I will never forget that lunch at the California Pizza Kitchen in Oakbrook, Illinois, when Adele told me she was a spiritual director. Never having heard the term, I asked, “What is that?” I don’t remember her exact words then, but whatever she said resonated deep in my soul. I knew I wanted and needed that kind of relationship in my life.

In Adele’s book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, spiritual direction is defined as “help given by one Christian to another which enables that person to pay attention to God’s personal communication to him or her, to respond to this personally communicating God, to grow in intimacy with this God, and to live out the consequences of the relationship.”

Adele goes on to explain, “Spiritual direction is a relationship that allows one to assist another in discerning God’s activity and presence in his or her life.”  The relationship assumes that we all need help to listen to God and live out his call.… Spiritual direction is for those longing to drink from the river of life and ready to reflect on their own journey.”

That last sentence described me perfectly. I asked Adele if she would be a spiritual director to me. She agreed, and so began a beautiful relationship that I have enjoyed and benefitted from for over twenty years. She has walked with me through the pain of infertility, the joy of adoption, illnesses of family members, the death of parents, and the many ups and downs that accompany life, relationships, and ministry.

I am a different person than I could ever have imagined being. Adele’s presence, love, encouragement, wisdom, and discernment have been a big part of that. Her spiritual direction has been a means of grace God has used to bring about deep transformation in my life.

I think one of the greatest gifts of spiritual direction I have received from Adele is hospitality. In this trusted, confidential relationship, I have been received with love—accepted for who I am where I am in life. I have been free to bring my disappointments, losses, and pain as well as the sin I struggle with daily. I can dare to be real, honest, and transparent knowing I will not be judged or evaluated. Over the past 20 years, my journey has had many twists and turns. Having a spiritual director who helps me to name the place I find myself, experience God’s presence, and hear his voice has been a true gift of grace.

In her book, Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction, Margaret Guenther writes, “Life is a journey. Spiritually, too, we are always on the way…. We are travelers, and we are weary and homesick. It is a fact of life that travelers cannot survive in comfort without hospitality…. If the journey goes on long enough they will need the care of a host, someone who offers a temporary home as a place of rest and refreshment…. Spiritually, too, we cannot make it through the desert or across the frontier alone, but must depend on the kindness of strangers…. They are the hosts, the givers of hospitality, who sustain us on the journey, our spiritual friends and directors.”

I know my life would be very different if God had not provided the host I needed for my journey in Adele Calhoun. Her presence as my spiritual director has helped me to grow in faith, hope, and love. She has asked perceptive questions that have helped me to pay attention and accept my life as it is and not as I would have it. She has guided me in paying attention to both my desires and resistance. I am better able to recognize how God is speaking to and leading me.

Through her teaching and spiritual direction, I have learned the “unforced rhythms of grace,” as I have engaged in life-giving practices, relationships, and experiences that have been truly transformative. God has used her presence in my life to enable me to experience and rely on the love of God, the grace of Christ, and the power of the Spirit more and more.

I hope my pastoral ministry has reflected some of what Adele has given me. And I trust whatever ministry lies ahead will involve helping individuals and communities pay attention to God, live in an intimate relationship with God, discern his will, and to respond faithfully to the ways he is calling and directing.